Doner KeBABI

One thing I miss most from my student days in the UK is the food. Greasy fish and chips, drenched in vinegar; fresh hot doughnuts oozing with sweet strawberry jam; soft scones with dollops of cornish cream; rhubarb crumble drowning in custard. And last but not least, who can resist a big, fat doner kebab. I always preferred mine big, with ALL the salad and ALL the sauces. My favourite kebab shop in London was one naughtily named Lolita in Paddington. It had the doner kebab TO DIE FOR.

Yeah, we have the so-called local "kebab" chain restaurant - Kyros Kebab. Guys, that's just a TRAVESTY to the fraternity of kebabs! The few times that I gave it a try (mainly due to lack of any other choices) it was always dry, stale and utterly DISGUSTING.

Anyway, everyone knew how UNHEALTHY those kebabs were. I mean, insurance proposal forms should have an additional box to tick - "How many kebabs do you normally eat in a typical week?" - and those who've eaten a big amount should pay THROUGH THEIR TEETH to get covered! Eating more than your fair share of doner kebabs should lead you needing a doner of another type - HEART DONOR! And they always CLAIM that it's supposed to be "lamb". Errmm... WHICH PART of a lamb is it? Surely tastes really different from the normal lamb that I also happily consume.. lamb chops, lamb shank, lamb stew, lamb beriyani etc. I've got to admit that NONE of them even REMOTELY taste like the "lamb" kebab that I love.

So, like the Radiohead classic, I said NO SURPRISES when the results of a survey of kebabs in UK found that they contained "...shocking levels of salt, fat and calories..". But what did SHOCK me was that from 494 samples of kebabs, six were found to contain PORK!! And what's worse, two of the six were claimed to be HALAL!! So there were those who thought they ordered a kebab, but got a keBABI instead! I am truly dissappointed.

And I wonder how many of the other 488 samples which actually were lamb didn't turn out to be halal after all. So, to my brothers and sisters in the UK, please do make sure before you buy your next kebab. I always made sure that the shop was indeed halal, and the men working there were indeed Muslims before I felt comfortable buying.

Steamed over steamboat

The Missus took me out for dinner tonight at this steamboat place at Ikano. Forgot the name of the restaurant, but it's the one at the basement level, with tables that go almost right into the P1 parking. If you're lucky, you can get a parking spot literally next to your table. Like going to your favourite Mamak, just that it's underground and the air is much more polluted with car exhaust fumes. The food itself was okay, I guess. We ordered the 2-person combo which had a bit of everything, with tomyam soup which was spicy, even for my high pedas threshold.

What I really want to rant about is the whole concept of "steamboat". I mean, when I eat OUT at a RESTAURANT, I expect the food to be COOKED. Instead I'm given a plate of raw fish, chicken and vegetables and am expected to cook it myself. And some places add insult to injury by charging a bomb for this "privilege". I mean, if I'm supposed to boil the food myself, I might as well get the raw stuff at my local Tesco, bring the food home, set up a rice cooker in my living room, fill it with water and pop in a few tomyam cubes, and eat while watching the latest downloaded episode of Family Guy!

I personally think that of all the possible options to open a restaurant, opening a steamboat restaurant would hands down be the most profitable. I mean, you don't need to hire skilled cooks to cook, as there's NO COOKING INVOLVED. You just need to get your supplies in, and chop them up into bite-size pieces, and serve them to your gullible patrons together with a boiling pot of cubestock water.